GAL TALKS

          The 5 Biggest Mistakes You Can Make With A GAL

                                       (Guardian Ad Litem)

A few days ago I messaged a friend who is a Guardian Ad Litem, (GAL, Minors Council) just to shoot the breeze. We talked a little about some personal things then the conversation organically turned into talking “shop” about family court, the law and the role of a Guardian Ad litem.

If you’re in Family Court at all for a custody battle with a high-conflict person you can almost always count on having a GAL assigned to your case.

What is a GAL? A Guardian Ad Litem is a lawyer or non-lawyer appointed in court proceedings by the curt to represent “the best interests” of the child or children involved in that case.

I’ll be completely transparent here and share with you my own feelings on GAL’s . There are some good ones, there are some just okay ones and there are some downright biased, lazy, unethical ones. You can count on you high conflict ex picking the latter. You can also count on your high conflict ex trying(and often times succeeding ) to schmooze up, befriend the GAL in order to get him or her on their “side”. Your high conflict ex is going to focus most of their smear campaign against you with the GAL. A good GAL should be impartial and solely be focused on your child’s best interest, after all they represent the children’s wishes to the court.

In my own experience I dealt with two that fall into that latter group.

I felt lucky to have had this straight-shooting friend who is a GAL break down some of the mistakes people make when meeting with them, they are one of the good ones!

·       Don’t Lie! Good GALS are fact seekers, by nature. Anyone who has worked with the public long enough in an investigative capacity knows when someone is lying, and if they don’t, they will usually find out.

My Take: Tell your truth but keep it brief and simple. don’t let your emotions run wild here.” KISS”, Keep It Simple Sweetheart.

·       Don’t try to use the GAL as your own personal lawyer or legal advisor. The GALS job is to focus on the children, they cannot and should not give you legal advice for your case. They can and should however advise both parents on ways they might think could benefit the children, like therapy for the kids, suggesting a co-parenting counselor and suggesting a co-parenting app for communication.

My Take: I have personally seen a Guardian Ad litem overstep and give one party actual legal advice, if I could go back in time I would have called this GAL out on their overstepping and bias. I have also seen a GAL tell one parent that they will not be answering the parents’ legal questions and that their job is to focus on the kids.

·       Don’t influence or coach the kids in any way. A GAL will find out. Children aren’t experienced enough to know when they’re being interviewed by someone who has a lot of practice in interview skills trainings. People that coach or influence their kids think they are being sneaky but that GAL is filing away mental notes to put on paper later on.

My Take: Your high-conflict ex will coach and try to influence the kids, they absolutely will, then they’ll turn around and accuse you of doing the very thing they are doing. Kids pick up on this and it leaves them frightened and confused. Keep your side of the street clean, there are ways to validate your child’s experiences in an age-appropriate way.

·       Don’t bad mouth the other parent. Bring up your concerns absolutely but swinging out of the gate with “ Brads a crazy alcoholic abusive s++t-head who the kids hate” isn’t going to win you any awards here. This type of behavior will backfire on you and make you look like you are part of the problem.

My Take:  I 100% agree with the above statement. Your truth is yours and should be authentic. You should have a professional relationship with your GAL and respectful attitudes concerning everyone involved will serve you well.

·       Go to Therapy! Put your kids in therapy. It always looks and IS good to be working on yourself. It always looks and IS good to have a qualified adult in place as a safe person the kids can talk to. Never ask the kids what they talked about with their therapist. It’s always better to have a private conversation with the child’s therapist about your concerns and what you think they need to be working on with your child.

My Take: Okay, hear me out, if you read my previous blog on therapy and cluster-B parents it may sound like bad advice to talk to your child’s therapist. Please remember my conversation with this GAL and their advice is spot on because they are one of the good ones. Again, there are ways to validate your children in an age-appropriate way and in a manner that won’t have your ex crying “coaching, manipulating and helicopter parent” to the GAL and other court professionals.

Bonus TIP

·       Stop wasting the GALs time and burning up your money by sending the GAL tons of email back and forth between you and your ex. There’s nothing more annoying to a good GAL to have spend time pouring over emails of couples fighting over what kind of toothbrush little Susie should be using. Your high conflict ex will likely launch into this type of abuse tactic on purpose. One, to get you defensive and engaging in conflict and two, to financially abuse you by upping the GALS fees.

If you are struggling on how to communicate with a Guardian Ad Litem or Minors council or have found yourself in a bind with a biased court professional please reach out! I have been exactly in your shoes. Let me come along side you think strategically and get back on track when it comes to dealing with your GAL and high-conflict ex.

                                  YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!