The Importance of Co-Regulating with Children: Building Emotional Connections
When I first meet with clients often I’m asked by worried protective parents, how can I help my child(children) navigate this new normal that sometimes is greatly chaotic due to one parent being difficult or “high-conflict”.
While parenting is without a doubt the most difficult yet rewarding jobs we are blessed to have, I know how difficult it can be when one parent seems to serve only a personal agenda, counter-parent at every step of the way and you may be left feeling helpless and hopeless when it comes to protecting your children from any trauma, drama and chaos that comes along with having to Co-Parent with a toxic abusive ex.
I want you to know you are not alone. I want you to know that many of us that have walked this very path before you have had wonderful success safeguarding our children the best we can from any conflict brought forth by family court and co-parenting with a narcissist or any other cluster B personality disordered person.
( diagnosed or suspected)
The idea of co-regulating our emotions with our children is in my personal opinion, one of the most beneficial ways we can help support our children.
Just like the Hight-Conflict Divorce you are going through, Parenting our children with a high conflict ex can be frustrating at times, if only there was a roadmap or a directions pamphlet, right?
In the journey of parenting, one of the most crucial skills is understanding and nurturing the emotional well-being of our children. Co-regulation, a term commonly used in child development, refers to the act of parents or caregivers helping children manage their emotions and learn self-control. It involves creating a safe and supportive environment where children can express their feelings and be guided towards emotional regulation. In this blog, we will discuss the importance of co-regulating with children and how it lays the foundation for their emotional growth and overall well-being.
1. Building Emotional Connections:
Co-regulation forms the basis of emotional connections between parents and children. By co-regulating, parents provide a calm and secure environment in which children can explore their emotions without fear of judgment or rejection. Children who experience this type of support are more likely to develop trust and form secure attachments with their caregivers, which has long-term positive effects on their emotional development.
2. Emotional Awareness and Regulation:
Through co-regulation, children learn to recognize and understand their own emotions. Parents can help children name their feelings, discuss what triggered them, and explore healthy coping strategies. By modeling appropriate emotional responses, parents teach children essential skills for navigating their emotions effectively. This process fosters emotional intelligence, helping children become more empathetic, resilient, and self-assured individuals.
3. Strengthening Self-Control:
Children often struggle with managing their emotions, and this can lead to impulsive behavior or emotional outbursts. Co-regulation plays a critical role in helping children develop self-control and regulate their responses. By co-regulating, parents create a space for children to calm down, process their emotions, and find constructive ways to express themselves. Over time, children internalize these techniques, becoming more capable of self-regulation and developing better emotional self-control.
4. Enhancing Brain Development:
Co-regulation positively impacts a child's brain development. When children feel understood and supported, their stress response system is regulated, allowing for optimal brain functioning. Co-regulation activates the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for problem-solving, impulse control, and emotional regulation. A well-regulated prefrontal cortex lays the foundation for critical cognitive and social-emotional skills, setting children up for success in various aspects of their lives.
5. Nurturing Healthy Relationships:
Co-regulation cultivates healthy relationship patterns by teaching children how to relate to others in a respectful and empathetic manner. When parents validate their children's emotions, they send a message that their feelings matter and are worthy of attention. As a result, children learn to reciprocate this empathy and understanding in their interactions with others, fostering deep and meaningful connections throughout their lives.
Co-regulating with children is essential for their emotional development and overall well-being. By providing a safe and supportive environment, parents can help children understand and regulate their emotions, fostering emotional intelligence, self-control, and strong emotional connections. Co-regulation is not limited to specific situations; it should be an ongoing part of the parenting journey. By building a foundation of trust and emotional support, parents set their children up for a lifetime of healthy emotional growth and positive relationships.
If you are struggling with a high conflict divorce, family litigation with a narcissist or you are finding it difficult to co-parent with a toxic abusive ex, please reach out.
